Weep

I’ve got to admit the last week and a half has had its ups and downs. Early in this period everything was going great and I was loving life. In the last few days, things have gone down hill and I’m still loving life. At about 2 thursday morning, I found out that my grandmother had a stroke. My mom of course did as much as any daughter would she weeped that someone so much a part of her could be feeling pain. And I felt the same way, if anyone didn’t know, actually no one does from the time I was about 3 to 10, I called my grandmother mom because she raised me.

My mom told me to go to bed and I tried to, but the tears in my eyes would let them shut. I thought about how beautiful and caring my grandmother used to be, how I was just a few hours talking about the significance of having a grandmother to a complete stranger, without knowing what was to occur hours later. I also remember telling that one of my favorite freshman about why real men don’t cry jokingly. That certainty was true then.

So my mom is gone until sunday to take care of her mom. I’ve talked to my grandmother a few times, but I wasn’t able to hear her because she couldn’t speak well. But through all of this I realized how good the heart of life is, I has brought together my family in a way that I never would have thought possible and even though I’m alone here while everyone’s there that they know that I’m praying for grandmother and that I’m there in spirit. My grandmother is going to make it. She buried her own grandmother 3 years ago and I know she’ll offer me the same cursity. I beg that you guys pray for her and my family.

Auspeculation

So, its the end of the week and I’m looking forward on embarking on a great journey this school year. Even though I got like a 1/20 on a chem quiz, I can’t wait to do another one–and face other challenges this year. Yesterday was the best day of the school year so far. After a pretty awesome school day, Arun and I got picked up by Pastor John, the guy who heads first priority at our school,then he took us to the “Solid Rock Cafe” at Highlands Christian.

It was so cool: the was like a 50in screen tv that arun and I got to play NCAA ‘07 football(26-25 Arun ): ). After getting pwned by Arun, I went to explore the Cafe a little bit more and I found that they had like a game room with like a ping pong table, fooze ball and some other game which made use of pool balls. ( I got pwned at all those too by one point score differences that is).

We left to go to Calvary Plantation for Campus Kick off. Arun, 2 others and I were the only ones sitting at the deerfield section, but when we had break we met some pretty cool kids who were from deerfield but were lost.  We met Kristen,who sets behind me in TOK, Brandon and AJ. They were each so unique too like Aj, a freshman lol, likes filming and Brandon and Kristen have really strong faiths. These 3 new people are going to make first priority alot beastlier at Deerfield Beach High.

When I got home, I read a comment that a really important person to me left and its touch me so much I almost cried:D. Colleen always knows what to say to make me get that way. My joy has officially exceeded all asymptotic barriers. This school year is definitely going to be an awesome journey.

Waiting for December ‘07

“I’ll leave you two so you can talk” my mom said as  she began to walk outside.

For five minutes, the only thing that could be heard was Lupe Fiasco’s “He Say, She Say” audibly playing on my computer. “I don’t deserve to get used to that” I whispered to myself, singing along with Lupe, for this man–this stranger– in front of me to hear the words–to feel my pain.

I remember when he used to drive pass me on the dirty streets and didn’t stop to say hello. I remember how I used to say to my friends: “Guys, that man in that cool car is my Dad.” But those were my only memories of you: driving pass me as if  I didn’t exist in your fancy car like a superstar while I, your own flesh and blood, was stepping in hot tar.

“So how’s school?” he nervously inquired. He was about my height and my stature; however, that was where our similarities ended. I barely resembled him–”maybe that’s why you were never around”, I thought, “but what about the ones that looked like you?” My palms began by sweating by now and I could feel little droplets begin to permeate through my pores, creating perspiration: I was nervous, but so was he.

“Its good” I simply replied, ” I have quite a few awards. Do you want to see them?”

“Sure.” he said .

We got up and went to my room. I show him my wall of prices.

“Impressive” he said apathetically. “Did you know that I have many awards from my work as a police officer.” he asked.

“No” I said–how was I supposed to know.

We went back to the living room and I was feeling a little bit better now. I kept on repeating to myself, “Remember what mom said: Akeem, love and forgive him”

We sat across from each other.

“So when is your birthday?” he inquired.

“December 25th. Christmas day” I retorted–you don’t even know that.

“Well I’m going to see if I can come up again for your birthday, then, so we can spend more time together and get to know each other”

“Sounds good.” My heart felt warm, but my skin felt cooler as I started realizing that he cared.

“I have a question.” I asserted.

“Ask away.”

“I heard you got killed by some guy you were trying to arrest a few years ago, and I almost cried when I heard you died, but I was relieved when I heard you just got shot in the hand.”

“Yeah. The bullet entered through here and exited through here”  He showed me.

“Oh. So what happened?”

“I killed him” he responded solemnly

“How did you feel afterwards”

“Its my job.” he said, sitting back on the couch. “That why I am so successful”

He seemed arrogant just like I thought I was. Sure of his superiority; sure he was a god among men”  I just prayed he’d notice me after all those years.

Looking at his watch, he said “Well, my flight is leaving in an hour. I have to go.”

I stood up and shook.

“I hope to see you soon”

“You too”

I stay sitting and watch his silhouette disappear from out my door and prayed he come back soon as he promised.

****

Five minutes later, my mom came inside.

“So how was it?” she entreated. She had always thought that I had a void in my heart with him not ever being there, and hoped that me meeting him would change things.

“It was OK” I replied. “I am happy though because he said he was going to come up for my birthday in December.

Her eyes became spotted with sorrow and her brow reflected what was in her heart. “He won’t come back, Akeem. Your father is a selfish man”

Fort Joy(incomplete)

I had quite a productive, fulfilling day, despite getting a paucity of sleep for the second night in a row(sighs). I laid paralyzed in some random thought in bed when my mom screams for me to go do a chore. About 30 mintues later, Sarah picked me up and we headed to CBG to help out with the backpacking project the church is currently doing–to help make the first day of school better for many disadvantaged kids in broward have by donating school supplies to them. After that we haitian packed Mrs. Moseley’s. I got dropped off at the metrostore because I broke my phone the day before(thx Jossette. jk. that was my subconcious again) and, even though I planned to tell my mom, I wanted to make sure I had the most cost effective solution before telling her.

Then, I went to the mall for two minutes and then home. I wanted to catch upon some reading, but I was instead captured by the undeniable allure of my black dell destop, which kept me distracted on a detour ’til about 6:30. While on it though, I managed to discover some pretty cool music so that was fun.

Soon after, I picked up Cornel West’s Democracy Matters and kicked back in my computer chair. About 3 hours later I was done with the book; it was an amazing read, so much so that I think you should read it.

Erm.

Entrance

Hi, I’m Javaughn, if you didn’t know and/or are interested to know. This is my blog panfocalism. I’ve been meaning to start one for quite a while, but haven’t simply because I’m lazy. Perplexed by the name? So am I, I don’t really know what that panfocalism means; however, I am certain of what this blog will consist: my reflections on things that happen in my life, or those that affect me, expressed by means of prose, poetry or diatribe, if I do ever feel to express myself as such.